When I clocked up 25 years of marriage a couple of weeks back, it got me wondering what it takes to keep a relationship AIRBORNE and how we can continue building and boosting our union in a bid to soar to headier heights.

Without further ado, I headed straight to said partner and asked him to sum up in a nutshell what he reckoned it took and here’s what came tripping off his tongue…

Flexibility!

 

This got me thinking straight away about a very potent presupposition I came across in my NLP studies many years back, which rings to the tune of…the element in any system with the most flexibility is the greatest catalyst for change.

Hmmm…I reckoned he was onto something here.

My brain then flipped to Dr John Gottman, Professor Emeritus of Psychology and world-renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction, who after conducting 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples can predict with over 90% success whether or not a couple will stay together after spending just three hours with them.

Gottman’s studies reveal that the biggest predictor of separation or divorce is emotional disconnection…not conflict as many would think.

On average, conflict in a relationship is unresolvable 69% of the time but the good news is that we can live with unresolved issues as long as we manage them well…and as long as they’re not dealbreakers!

Put simply, if the likes of leaving the toilet seat up constitutes a dealbreaker to you, your marriage is likely to quickly flush down the drain!

Gottman and his wife Julie (also an expert in the field) have developed a model called The Sound Relationship House, which outlines nine components of healthy relationships.

If you’re curious to learn more, check them out at https://www.gottman.com/about/the-gottman-method/

Till next month, here’s to leaning into your relationships and being a catalyst for change!

PS – Whenever you’re ready, work with me directly to see how you, and/or your team can benefit from exploring aspects of relationship and team building.

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